Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Food for Thought

NOW in your local parish supermarket. Free prize inside, limited time only: Special Secret Decoder to translate polysyllabic words, sophisticated phrases and eloquent language into banal, pedestrian and simplistic verbiage for your local liturgist or liberal neighbor. With five boxtops, you can also order a companion decoder to decipher ICEL double-speak (new and improved edition from Vox Clara).

Larry Liturgy (pseudonym) admits Papa Ben's Novus Ordo 2.0 might just kill any hopes of future liturgical abuse, innovations and shenanigans by the left-wing elite experts (all who mysteriously have monosyllabic names, like Gabe, Tad, Ralph et al., and are conspicuously and frequently mentioned in the National Catholic Reporter).

Call to Action
and Voice of the Faithful are seeking to create their own brand of spiritual food to compete with Papa Ben's. Problem is they only use outdated and expired materials from the 1960's and have an aversion to using recipes (which they consider to be dogmatic and doctrinaire). Hence, their alternative product is a 45 year old formula which is so amorphous and draconian (going back to the old days of Baal worship) that it has a limited shelf life. Consumers today are health conscious and avoid the sugar-coated, saccharin sweet nonsense of the Kumbaya days when theological dissenters and politico-social hippies were almost indistinguishable, in thought and dress. Today's mainline Catholics want QUALITY and GOOD TASTE, which are found in the non-generic name brand product put out by Holy Mother Church for two millennia, known as the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass (now in two flavors, Extraordinary Form and Ordinary Form). What attracts people to this high caliber product is its perennial truth, its perpetual source of divine grace and its pronounced reverence, all missing in the cheap, inferior quality from the abusers and innovators who seek to 'DO LITURGY' rather than to 'OFFER SACRIFICE & WORSHIP' to the One True God.


gawgiagirl said...

Great post Father! Thanks for keeping us informed and making it humorous at the same time!

Samantha said...

Just wanted to pop over and say I enjoy your blog and I also love your Dummies book. It really aided my husband and I as we were coming into the Church through RCIA in 2006. It was also a great reference for our parents.

LarryD said...

Very funny! Great contrast between the Real Thing and the counterfeit.

Dan L. said...

That post was too cool!

--Dan L.

Joe of St. Thérèse said...

great post Father.

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