Thursday, December 13, 2007

What Hollywood Will NEVER Produce

Coming in 2008 from ICONOCLAST Pictures, Inc.

The Copper Dredil

Long ago, in a place far away from political correctness, there was a land, a prophecy, a villian and a hero. Critics rave about the upcoming film for its bold, daring and provocative attempt to insult two of the three major monotheistic religions.

Since Christianity, and Catholicism in particular, have already been dissed, trashed and ridiculed by Hollywood seventy times seventy times, the tables have now been turned. Ron Boward produces and directs this innovative cinematic masterpiece intended to even the score once and for all.

Synopsis – an ancient prophecy predicts that the thousand year reign of evil tyranny will end only when the magic Copper Dredil is returned to its proper place. Before that can happen, however, it must be rescued from the clutches of the malevolent Synagogue of Zeon, a super-secret society of fanatical fundamentalists who claim the only true magic comes from the Book of Spells. They are always at war, however, with a competing faction, the Mosque of Mira whose adherents reject anything and everything in the Book of Spells. They maintain the only true and valid incantations are the ones not written down but are spontaneously created by the individual wizard. The Mosque of Mira has declared a Jihad on the Synagogue of Zeon. There can be no victory until one side is no more.

Meanwhile, while the forces of darkness battle each other for control of the world, a small group of rebels known as the Sacerdotes, led by the wise and aged Pontifex Maximus, seek to fulfill the prophecy given millennia ago. Visitors from another world came in peace to share their knowledge: scientific, philosophic and theological. They only wore scarlet red clothing and were called by the natives, “Cardinals.” The Cardinals had no agenda and no ulterior motives. That was not the case with their enemies, however.

Cardinals insisted on worshipping their deity facing East and in an old, archaic language only spoken in their temples. They also wear elaborate costumes when they worship.

The biggest obstacle, however is that the Cardinals refuse to dilute their teaching which is as much moral as it is religious. An alliance between the Cantors (local authorites from the Synagogue) and the Imams (secret police from the Mosque) occurs when it is learned that the Cardinals have something which promises eternal life.

Before the mysterious element is discovered, however, war breaks out and all the Cardinals are killed, save one. Catzinger lives long enough to prophesize that a hero will find the Copper Dredil which has the power to render enemies powerless and thus enable the quest for the Missal, the special book that allows the Priest to make present the source of eternal life.

Until that day arrives, the mysterious artifact lays hidden and protected in a Basilica by an order of Knights called the Krewsaydurs. Hildebrand, our hero, leaves the safety of the monastery to seek the Copper Dredil and free his people from slavery once and for all. He is accompanied by Zozimus, the sacristan; Jerome, the lector; Edmund, the extern; and Sylvester, the Acolyte. Together, they form a brotherhood sworn to return proper worship back to their temple. Forbdidden for centuries, the ancient language of their forefathers is still secretly used by our champions. VERITAS VINCIT (truth conquers) is the motto of this coalition for victory.

But it is only fiction, so why should anyone be offended??? Hear that before?

Of course, you'll NEVER see such a film EVER attacking or even making satire of Judaism or Islam. Yet, Christianity is perpetually being parodied and in fact persecuted by mainstream Hollywood. Catholic Christianity is the usual target, as evidenced in THE GOLDEN COMPASS where the enemy is the Magisterium (a term unique to Catholicism) and punctuated with villians who are 'priests.' Why not renegade rabbis or imams? Because that would rightly offend Jews and Muslims who would not tolerate it. They resist blasphemy while our people ignore it. Hollywood should either attack ALL religions (not a good choice) or NO religions (best option).


Anonymous said...


I was a paritioner of your's back when you were at Seven Sorrows in Middletown, PA. I think you're blog makes a great point. The PC Police are always quick to jump on persecution of minority racial or religious groups, but almost never say a thing when Christians receive the same treatment. I think there are many reasons for this. One, Christians just don't complain as loudly when we're the ones on the chopping block. Maybe this is because we have a 'sense of humor', or maybe we're just not as dedicated and faithful as 'they' are. Two, we are the majority in this country, and it would kinda be perceived like a linebacker complaining about a hang nail. No one cares when the pit bull gets snipped at by a poodle. But if it's the other way around, they want you to put the big dog down. And third, I think it's just a lack of respect all the way around. If people had a little more respect for each other, they wouldn't run around insluting each other's religion. Debating merits and comparing ideas, sure, but ridicule never has a place in religous discussion.

Peace and Love Fadda,

Nate Brought

Starlyth said...

I love it! When will you write the book?

Siri said...

Thank you for your wonderful article. It really saddens me to once again realize how true its ultimate message is. Thank you also for your apostolate in EWTN which we can even follow here in Finland, at least on the internet.

Joe of St. Thérèse said...

I totally agree Fr. But as you said, this would never happen. It's in our nature as Christians to not be caught up in everything, which makes us very easy targets unfortunately.

Fr. Larry Gearhart said...

Very funny, Padre. I like your sense of humor.

Adoro said...


I'd be shocked if Hollywood made that movie, although perhaps I wouldn't be so surprised if one of those sickos actually approached you and offered to buy the rights to the plot.

What's really sad is this; there are some who would go see the movie, out of sense of "vengeance". There are those who would see it out of curiosity. There are those who would see it in order to refute it.

And there are those who would bomb Hollywood and ever theatre showing it.

And I'm with you...such a movie should never be made. (And we could all list movies that should never have been made * cough * )

The fact though that we are all under such attack is more a testament to Truth than anything else. One of the things that brought me back to the Church was anti-Catholicism. Because it's not logical, and anything that is so attacked without basis must indicate it is a "threat" to something.

Thank God for anti-Catholics and anti-Christians...their vitriol and stupidity is what sends us back to God.

Anonymous said...

Dear Father,

After hearing all the hoo-ha about the Golden Compass, I was thinking of just such a book. Go ahead, write it. I'll buy a copy!

Anonymous said...

I didn't knnow you had a sense of humor. Of course, I didn't know you had a blog until I spotted this at "The Curt Jester." Never make it in Hollywood, but maybe some of the EWTN folks could help you shoot a short version and release it in installments on YouTube. Good work. I'll be visiting again.

My Blog List

Blog Archive